Conversations with Friends

Sometime last week I came across the news that Joe Alwyn is cast to star in Sally Rooney's Conversations with Friends TV adaptation, after contemplated for a while, I decided to write the review about the book. Well, here it is...

Title: Conversations with Friends

Author: Sally Rooney

Year published: 2017

Publisher: Faber and Faber

Page count: 336

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I ran my finger along his collarbone and said: I can’t remember if I thought about this at the beginning. How it was doomed to end unhappily.

He nodded, looking at me. I did, he said, I just thought it would be worth it.

Conversations with Friends holds a special place in my heart because I was most definitely engaged with it from the get-go. I think this has to do with the fact that I can relate a lot to Frances' thoughts and view about life? I can understand her insecurities, her decisions and non-decisions... It matters a lot for me when I read a book and have that connection with the person telling the story; and this book managed to do just that and kept me on my seat and finished it in one day. 

I thought about all the things I had never told Nick about myself, and I started to feel better then, as if my privacy extended all around me like a barrier protecting my body.

Even though I would not like the characters in real life, having the peek of what it was like to be them in this book gives me the general idea of how messed up everyone really is, but there is always, someone, who will be in love in the midst of those messiness. Of entanglements and complicated, boring, dubious mundane love life.

I don't think this is a romantic love story, it definitely is a blood-rushing-heart-racing-not-wanting-but-wanting type of affair. It also depicts the importance of friendship; the reels of having a bestfriend, of insecurities raise for having that bestfriend, of self-doubt, family troubles, and health problems. 

Part 1: The Affair

(I'm putting this one first because throughout the book, the affair always made me question a lot of things, both book-related and real-life curious questions). The book gave me an insight to open relationship, even though this book wasn't exclusively about that; but it does mentioned about sharing one's partner to another person. Melissa and Nick were the married couple in the book, as far as their marriage goes, I don't think that its functional anymore. They're more like people who live together in a house but not sleeping in the same room type of couple. I wonder why they didn't get a divorce? in the book it says they both were comfortable enough with the lives they led, and even though they didn't function like any other household, it felt better for the two to stay together. Hmmm, such concept is foreign to me, though, but I think a lot of people are also living like this, no? The comfort of having the other person you used to love but no longer feel the same to... better than having to deal with the uncertainties of searching for another "the one".

IMHO, (not trying to justify Frances/Nick's action) Frances came into their life right on time when all was sour between Melissa and Nick. Nick was still fairly depressed, and Melissa didn't seem to give him more attention and/or love... all Melissa and Nick had was routine. The routine was the only thing that kept them together this long. Yes, they have been through a lot, but all couples went through a lot and most are surviving, most are thriving. So yes, Frances did slid into their lives and brought new spirit to Nick's humdrum days, but it was also true that Nick and Melissa used to have those spirits as well in the past. Makes you think, "I really wish I had met you sooner."

That's the beauty of falling in love, right? Having the presence of that special someone and having your mood, your day, your life lighten up, like the sun has just decided to focus its shine on your rooftop and your rooftop only. In real life settings, though, I think it would've take guts to be involved in this kind of business. I would've appreciated it more if Nick had ended things up with Melissa first (even though that would mean no conflict whatsoever in the book) and went on to start his new happily ever after with another woman. My point is, I don't think that Nick and Melissa's "partly" functioning marriage was the one to blame. What to blame is their indecision to end things between them, or to reevaluate their relationship and commit to turn the tables.

As for Frances... I can see that she had problems and a lot of things in her mind, and her encounter to Nick suddenly brought enthusiasm to her life, like somebody wanted her. Of being wanted by another person, knowing that you're wanted, such a comfortable feeling. I actually had no idea of how it felt to fall in love with someone else's lover, but I guess it must've been electrifying. She wasn't acting so smart though... there are still plenty of other men out there, why settle for the already married one? hmmmm... matters of heart is indeed incomprehensible. 

Part 2: The Friendship

Frances and Bobbi's friendship is a unique one. They used to be lovers, but the relationship wasn't working and decided to stay friends, like real close friends. They even did poetry performances together, Frances being the one who wrote all the poetries, and Bobbi; the light of the party. 

I don't really get this type of friendship, though. For me, being in a friendship should all be about the joy and serenity my bestfriend brought into my life and I to theirs, instead of the oftentimes insecurity Bobbi presented to Frances. I guess that is among the aftereffects of being ex-lovers? or maybe just jealousy in its truest form? one that you cannot really figure out why or how it developed? because you like their presence but their presence undermined yours and you wanted to be acknowledge as well? I don't know.

What I learnt from Frances and Bobbi's friendship is that honesty is key to a long lasting friendship. If you're insecure about something, if you're angry about something, if you're jealous about something, or if you feel uncomfortable about anything, its best to be communicated both ways. Your bestfriend has to know how you're feeling in order to navigate better, to amend... and so are you. Friendship, like romantic relationship, also needs efforts.

Part 3: Frances and Nick

I have to say,  I like Nick, a lot. The ideal man for me would be like him... I know, I'm always attracted to guys who are quiet, smart, knows how to carry a conversation, and has that sort of ambivalent smile. Anyway, I like every aspects of Nick's character other than the fact that he was already married to someone else. Reading the book from Frances point of view, I can clearly see why Frances was attracted to Nick. Each meeting with him makes you crave for more. Maybe its his slightly mysterious persona, or his quietness, or his gentleness... or not quite knowing what he was thinking, or what he was going to email you about, or when you're going to meet him again. The curiosity, the feeling of wanting to be seen by him, of feeling already seen by him, of feeling this supposedly mutual attraction between you two. The hope. The what-ifs. Oh. Why does Nick had to be married?

I honestly don't know how to continue writing this post without romanticizing adultery, so I'm going to stop right here. Anyhow, this book portrays a real phenomenon happening around the lives we lead. Before closing this post, I'd like to share another interesting part of the book, which is how Sally Rooney decided to make our main character Frances suffered from Endometriosis, a debilitating chronic illness where the lining of the uterus (endometrium) also grows outside of the uterus which causes cyclic pain (super painful menstrual cramps), that is affecting a lot of women but doesn't really get talk about much. I hope by reading this book, apart from entertainment, people will also get insight into the lives, the thoughts of people living with the endometriosis.

I had the sense that something in my life had ended, my image of myself as a whole or normal person maybe. I realised my life would be full of mundane physical suffering, and that there was nothing special about it. Suffering wouldn’t make me special, and pretending not to suffer wouldn’t make me special. Talking about it, or even writing about it, would not transform the suffering into something useful. Nothing would. 

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I also make a Spotify playlist to listen to while reading this book or for when you're thinking about this book. Click here!

Do I recommend this book? YES, very much. 10/10 my favorite! Always wanting to feel like the first time I read this novel. Cannot wait for the TV adaptation to air soon. Thank you for reading this post 💖, one last quote from the book, 

You live through certain things before you understand them. You can't always take the analytical position.